Girls are in a battle to embrace a healthy body image. They enter this world with no question that their healthy body is good, but we know that this world’s goal for girls is to communicate that being healthy is not enough. You must be slimmer, sleeker, smoother, tanner, and hairless with just the perfect amount of lean muscle tone. For moms, its extremely concerning and frustrating.
Our daughters can be very healthy but we feel like we’re fighting a losing battle. I can’t count how many times we’ve pulled out of the church parking lot only to be met by the closest billboard busting with an ad for Hooters. (Seriously? Right next to a church?!) I’ve battled the lines at Target where half of the magazines show near-naked women and headlines that my 8-year-old daughter shouldn’t know about for a long time.
But I think the marketing industry has seriously underestimated the power of a determined mom. They may have degrees in marketing, but we have doctorates in our daughters and can have greater influence than the media.
So how can moms win the battle? How can we protect them and nurture a healthy body image? Here are 12 simple ways:
Find what you love.
1. When examining yourself in the mirror, find what you love.
Our daughters are watching us and if we’re constantly checking out how our butt look in these jeans, or rubbing our mommy pooch, she’ll pick up on that fast. Instead of focusing on what you’re unhappy with, find the healthy features you love about your own body. No mom’s body is perfect…show her that’s wonderful by finding what you like and intentionally talking about that in front of her.
2. Teach her good personal hygiene and to carry herself with confidence.
Girls will generally feel better about their bodies when we teach them to take care of their hair well, to dress themselves properly & modestly, to eat healthy, and to present themselves well and with confidence (more on carrying herself with confidence at a later post!).
Avoid the word “diet”
3. Avoid the word “diet”.
Please? Avoid like the plague. I’m on a healthy eating plan that took me from an overweight BMI to the normal, healthy range in six months. It was a challenge, but I feel healthier and fantastic. I’ve never used the word “diet” to describe the plan, especially in front of her. In this world, “diets” communicate too wide a variety of destructive ideas and my daughter’s mom is NEVER going on a “diet”.
4. Compliment her unique features.
Our daughters all look so different, but each are so beautiful in their own way. My daughter has strawberry blond hair, fair skin, and light green eyes. All wonderful things to draw attention to by saying, “Your eye color is so lovely and unique. I love the way God made you different from everyone else.” Unique is beautiful. And on that note…
Be poetic
5. Be poetic
This takes some thought. Compare her features to something memorable for her, maybe something beautiful in nature. What is your daughter more likely to remember? Her mom saying “You have pretty hair”? Or, instead, “Your hair is the color of golden wheat” or “Your eyes are like a summer sky.” Wouldn’t you love your daughter to reminisce with her daughter someday saying “My mom used to say my hair was like golden wheat.” That’s impactful to her healthy body image.
6. Balance your compliments with who she is, inside.
These compliments are WAY more important than those of her outward appearance. Be specific and compliment her positive character qualities such as hard-working, patience, gentleness, grace, etc. A girl who is beautiful inside, radiates it outside.
Teach her to accept compliments.
7. Teach her to accept compliments.
Somehow many of us women got the notion that accepting a compliment is arrogant or that the person complimenting is just being “nice”. So instead of accepting a compliment, we brush it off with, “Oh stop it” or “Really? I can’t stand my hair!”. Model what accepting a compliment looks like with a simple smile and a “Thank you!” Accepting a kind compliment can only nurture her healthy body image.
8. Teach her to discourage inappropriate comments.
As she gets older, there will be inappropriate comments made about her body that you won’t be able to stop, no matter how modestly she dresses. So teach her to respond with firmness & assertiveness. Have her practice saying things like “That’s inappropriate. You need to stop.” or “This is my body and I won’t let you talk to me like that.”
Find beauty in others.
9. Find beauty in others.
Compliment the beautiful features of other women (inside and outside) and teach your daughter to do the same. Too many of us believe the worst of our bodies so teach your daughter to have a positive impact on others’ healthy body image. Teaching her to recognize it in others reinforces her recognizing it in herself.
10. Teach her to avert her eyes.
When we go to the store, inevitably there are two check-out lines open and both are lined with scandalous magazine covers. Your daughter will have a hard time not seeing them, along with billboards, commercials, etc. I kindly tell my daughter not to look at them (I’ve regularly turned around magazine covers, changed the channel…). At this point in her life, she knows why, but at one point she didn’t. So if your daughter asks “why”, have a conversation about it, which leads to…
Have important conversations.
11. Have important conversations.
Your daughter’s age will determine how much you explain and discuss body image. It is up to you what you discuss and how you do it, but I’d say one of the biggest points is to discuss it from a viewpoint of compassion, not judgmentalism and shaming. One day, my daughter said she wanted to go to Hooters because there was a big owl on the sign. She thought that was fun. I could’ve changed the subject, but I didn’t want her telling others she wanted to go to Hooters (THAT could be interesting!). So I calmly & briefly explained that places like Hooters don’t treat & view women with respect and honor. She asked “why”…so sweet and unaware of how anyone could treat a woman with disrespect and dishonor. It was an excellent conversation…bringing awareness to her, while also being sensitive to her innocence, purity, and age. I didn’t talk down about the women there, but instead emphasized how important it is for everyone to treat each and every woman with dignity and that she should never expect less from anyone else for herself. An awkward moment turned beautiful. And finally…
Enlist Dad.
12. Enlist Dad in the process.
There are many statistics that show the powerful influence fathers have on their daughter’s healthy body image. Her father might be unaware of just how impactful he can be in this area. Ask him to be intentional with his words and compliments (towards her as well as YOU). Studies show that positive physical touch from dad plays a big role in a daughter’s self-image, especially in adolescent and teenage years. Depending on the man, it might be awkward for him at first, but encourage any positive progress he makes in this. Although there are many daughters without fathers in the picture, it is very important to recognize that if this point is possible, it is invaluable and long-lasting. (For information on the importance of fathers, check out http://www.fatherhood.org/why-fatherhood-matters ).
Moms, let’s not let the culture tell our daughters who they are or aren’t. Let’s fight the battle and be the powerful influence we were made to be through example, words, actions, & conversations.
What would you add to the list for a healthy body image? Leave a comment!
Parents love to imagine that their children will do great things one day. Who knows what’s in store for her? we wonder. Who knows what education she’ll get, what career she will pursue, what difference she will make for the world? Will she get married and start a family? Will she blaze her own adventurous trail? We ask our children questions like “What do you want to do when you grow up?” Life is full of possibilities and the future is exciting!
