A couple years ago, I heard a startling statistic: The average girl’s self-confidence peaks at age 9. Age 9?!? I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me like it did, considering that the world consistently tells our daughters that they just aren’t “enough”. It made my heart ache to think my sweet girl’s self-confidence could max out in only a couple of short years. What then? It was a rude, but much-needed awakening.
So I decided to start being more intentional with the words I use to build her up. When our daughters are down, they don’t need prepared lectures or lengthy, wordy speeches or empty platitudes like “keep your chin up”. They need powerful, short, and memorable truths. Moms, for our daughters’ sakes, let’s carry with us this package of 9 powerful “You Are…” statements every daughter needs to hear.
“YOU ARE A TREASURE.” Treasures are of great worth to the person they belong to. They are precious, worth keeping indefinitely. Treasures don’t decrease in value over time or in circumstance to the person who holds them dear. Telling her she’s a treasure, communicates that to her. She’s also a treasure to God. Proverbs 31:10 says a woman of virtue is worth far more than jewels. That’s your daughter. Tell her. I usually do it before bed or just out of the blue as a sign of my affection. She’s actually stroked my face and told me it in return. What a blessing!
“YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.” I have no scientific evidence to back this up, but I believe deep down, every girl and woman has a desire (even a small one) to know they are beautiful to someone, inside and outside. I see nothing wrong with complimenting my daughter when she looks particularly lovely. In fact, I usually get a hug for that. But I love to compliment her on the beauty I see inside. Do I get specific with my compliments? Usually. Do I sometimes just say “You are beautiful”? Definitely. Both are powerful.
“YOU ARE MATCHLESS.” This is the whole inspiration behind Matchless Beauty Apparel and this blog! This “you are” statement is a simple reminder that there is nobody on earth created exactly like her and that there never will be. She is one-of-a-kind with a unique personality, talents, abilities, strengths, weaknesses, looks, quirks, the whole package! There is no other match and this was done intentionally. Our Creator has specific plans for her life based on the unique combination of who she is. This is so exciting! And speaking of God’s plans…
“YOU ARE CHANGING THE WORLD.” Do you want your daughter believing the message that “one day she is going to change the world” or that she already is changing the world? What if we made a subtle shift and communicated to our daughters that they don’t have to wait until they’re older to make a difference? She’s making a difference in the words she says to her little brother, in her smiles, kindness, encouragement of a friend, service to others, in volunteering her time, in praying for others. She isn’t on this earth to change it someday. She’s changing it today!
“YOU ARE ON A JOURNEY.” Then there will be times your daughter doesn’t feel like she’s changing the world. In fact, she may feel like she’s not going anywhere or that life’s challenges are taking her places she doesn’t want to go. “You are on a journey” is a gentle reminder that life is full of twists & turns that we can’t always see around. But we can accept and find the goodness in it. One of my favorite quotes is by the character Anne Shirley from the book Anne of Green Gables. When life has taken an unexpected turn for her, she says,
“When I left Queen’s my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see along it for many a milestone. Now there is a bend in it. I don’t know what lies around the bend, but I’m going to believe that the best does.”
Hopefully, you’ll be there with her for most of the journey, but if you happen to not be, this reminder will remain powerful for her.
“YOU ARE CAPABLE.” Speaking of challenges, sometimes my daughter doubts her ability to finish or accomplish something that I know she is able to do. Challenges and frustrations can get the better of her spirit. I remember my daughter learning to write her cursive lower case “k”s and saying “I just can’t do it!” It can be hard to watch them struggle, can’t it? Telling her “you are capable” gets push-back sometimes, but eventually will sink in and she’ll feel that amazing sense of accomplishment when she’s completed her challenge. (I loved seeing her face when she mastered that cursive k!)
“YOU ARE IMPERFECT (AND THAT’S OK).” As a recovering perfectionist, I sometimes blur the lines between high standards of myself and expecting perfection. And I humbly confess that those lines can get blurred with expectations of my daughter, too. She sees enough fake perfection on highway billboards and store ads. My job is to remind her that she is not perfect, that I don’t expect her to be, and that’s ok. Jesus was perfect for us and that’s enough. Which leads to the next powerful statement…
“YOU ARE LOVED JUST AS YOU ARE.” My daughter and I can drive each other crazy with how different/similar we are! Her technique for cleaning her room (or in my view, the lack thereof) can be what sets me off into soapbox-lengthy-lecture-mom-mode because she’s doing it differently than I would. There are things I care about that she just doesn’t find important. There are things important to her that I just don’t understand. Its during those times that I need to stop expecting her to be a smaller (more perfect-er?) version of me and to just remind her that she’s loved for exactly who she is, no strings attached. That doesn’t mean there’s no room for any of us to grow, but our love & affection is not dependent on it. This also models Jesus’ love for her. There’s a saying in our home: “Jesus loves us just as we are, but he loves us too much to let us just stay as we are.” And finally…
“YOU ARE FORGIVEN”. This one is The. Best. You know why? Because we all mess up. Moms do, daughters do. We say things we don’t mean, give looks we shouldn’t give, throw the occasional temper tantrums (and daughters do, too!) Saying this simple statement communicates that she’s released from the wrong done and it won’t be brought up again. It’s one of the best ways we can model Jesus’ love for her. And as moms, there will be plenty of times that we’ll need to hear it from her, too, as long as we are humble enough to seek it in our not-so-great mom moments. It’ll be her chance to love us like Jesus does. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow.” (from Isaiah 1:18)
Moms, the more we use this package of powerful “You Are” statements, the more likely she is to remember them, recall them when we’re not there, believe it, and finally embrace it as truth for her life. And hopefully, the more she embraces it as a girl, the more likely she’ll embrace these truths as a woman, passing on a legacy of powerful “You Are” statements to her own daughter and hopefully countless girls way past age nine.
What other “you are” statements would you add to this list, wished you embraced as a girl, or need to embrace as a woman today? Comment below!
