Helpful, Inspiring, & Encouraging Blog Articles -- Matchless Beauty

Who She Is Or Who She Isn’t?

Made Matchless

August 31, 2015

loIt was a clear, blustery afternoon. The sun beating down on us through the cool gusts of wind made it just warm enough to leave jackets at home and PERFECT for kite-flying! So off we went to the large, grassy field near our home with about eight kites in a bag and a hope that at least a couple weren’t tangled or broken.

We tested out a few of them before deciding on one for each kid that seemed to work best against the strong wind. See, there were some that, once they were launched, would stay up for a little while before completing a number of swirling dives and plummeting to the ground with a thud. Then there were some that just seemed to be designed to catch the wind on their own and soar as high as they could with very little help.

Flying kites.

I sat on the warm grass in the sun, watching my kids as they held tightly to their kites. But, of course, being a 21st century mom of young kids, that didn’t last too long as I jumped up to take some photos with my phone. Here’s one I captured of my son. Isn’t the back of his head handsome?

And when I asked my daughter if I could take some photos, here’s what she immediately did:

Striking a pose!

Kite-flying in style

I laughed and thought to myself as I settled back onto the grass, “Well, isn’t that just like her. That’s exactly who she is, captured right in those photos.”

It got me thinking…how often do I focus on who my daughter isn’t in an effort to “raise her right”. I’m seeking to mold and shape her, of course, and I undoubtedly want her to understand right from wrong, to understand authority, to help her to grow and to guide her character. But how often are my thoughts and actions and motivations based on who she isn’t: “her insistence on being right” or “her stubbornness” or “her lack of sympathy for her brother” or her “lack of focus”? How she isn’t this, isn’t that.

And how often do I focus on who my daughter IS…how she has a calm demeanor and a sweet spirit. How she exercises self-control and loves to give gifts to show how much she cares? How she uses every ounce of her creative spirit when she’s playing or painting or brainstorming or writing? How she is affectionate and fun-loving.

As we flew kites that day, I was reminded that my focus can affect my daughter’s spirit like the two kinds of kites. I can focus internally and externally on who she ISN’T and I can consequently see that reflected in her spirit like the first kite…staying up for a little while as she is instructed in what is good. But as I continue and continue on what she isn’t, inevitably I watch as her spirit spirals downward quickly in discouragement, landing with a thud.

OR, good news, my friends…I can focus internally and externally on who she IS and consequently see that reflected in her spirit like the second kite. It’s the one that soars. She hears the encouraging words and lifts up high almost effortlessly, like the kite that was MADE to just take off on it’s own, as if it was designed to take the wind into itself (because it was!), maxing out it’s string and pulling into the sky, reaching to go higher and higher. Uplifted, encouraged, not just knowing she’s loved but FEELING she is loved. Taking off, almost dancing up there.

We were indeed given our daughters to mold, shape, and instruct. It’s our very important duty and responsibility. But we were also given them to encourage and celebrate who they are already. Maybe it’ll take extra effort. Maybe you grew up with a parent who wasn’t encouraging. Start small and notice the little things she does, putting it into words the best way you know how. You’ll get the hang of it! Whether you grew up feeling encouraged or not, no matter what yesterday looked like, you CAN do this!

Mamas, focus on who your daughter IS instead of who she is IS NOT. Then watch her soar.

What makes your daughter special? How can you focus on who she IS instead of who she ISN’T? Comment below!

When a Total Bust is a Total Must

Made Matchless

2 Comments

August 24, 2015

Friends, if you’re expecting a pretty Pinterest-perfect burlap wreath of a post, you’ve maybe dropped by on the wrong day. This one’s the real deal, a bit messy. I’ve cried, gotten frustrated, I even threw a hissy fit like a 2-year-old. Why? Because these last two weeks I’ve felt like my life, my work, my relationships, right now, where they are, are a total bust. I’m not even joking. Complete. Total. Utter. Bust.

From the outside, my life looks fairly put-together. We own a home, have two kids, my husband’s a successful teacher, I work and teach from home. But when you’re hard on yourself and you place nothing but the highest expectations on your life and THEN expect God to fulfill all of those high expectations, only to find things not happening as you imagined, well, “a total bust” seems to be the fittest descriptor. No matter what you know in your head to be true (about motherhood, life, relationships, God even), no matter how your husband encourages, no matter how friends lay out the facts for you, it’s a struggle to not feel let down when your life blueprints still seem tightly rolled up. You know in your head that your life is not a bust. You even remind yourself what God says:

But somehow you still don’t believe it and those lurking thoughts remain…

I was sure I’d be further along than this.
These people really let me down. What will I do now?
I just can’t see how this will turn out well.
Why does it feel like life is standing still even though the days are fast?
Why do I feel like my business is on pause? I’m working so hard!
Am I messing up my kids?
Where does God want me?
Is His plan really good?
Am I making a fool of myself?
I don’t know who I am anymore.
I don’t know what I should be doing anymore.

and the one thing I said to myself and told God several times last week:

I feel like I don’t know ANYTHING anymore!!!!!

And yes, I did say that to God, out loud, with five exclamation points. Because life likes to reassure us that if we just do A,B,C, & D, that, naturally, ~E~ will happen. And I’ve believed it. “Just follow the steps! Just work hard, believe and you’ll achieve it! Because when you’ve checked off the list, you’ve ‘made it’! And when you’ve ‘made it’, you’ve gotten where everyone else wants to be. Where YOU’VE always wanted to be!”

Except…when you do A,B,C, & D, and….”it” (whatever “it” is) doesn’t happen. *crickets chirping*. Except when the chirping crickets slowly crescendo into a crazy-loud, backed-up freeway in your head the longer you wait. Except when you allow doubt to plant itself in the soil of your mind and take root. Except when you start to water those plants of doubt and let them grow freely, questioning everything you know about God’s goodness. Except when you can’t sense God anymore through this now-thick forest of disbelief that you allowed to propagate your heart.

But what about my dreams and hard work? you ask. What about accomplishments and the success I was promised by this world? What about the future and others’ expectations of me? Can’t God AND my successful life agenda be enough?

That’s where I found myself as I tidied up the house last week. Discouraged, confused, distant. I even imagined God laughing at me. Yeah, that’s how bad it was. It was a low point for me.

However, I wasn’t stuck there. I began to realize that I was weary of not hearing from Him. Which led to the acknowledgement, “Oh, I guess it was me who planted that huge forest between myself and God.”…which led to me realizing that the trees of doubt have been fertilized far too long. Which led to me seeing that doubt says to God, “You can’t be trusted”. Which led to repentance.

And God’s so awesome…I know He was waiting for that and He began to show me that He doesn’t want me (or you) to just “make it” to the pinnacle of temporal dreams. The enemy starts to lose ground when we perceive that God has infinitely more in mind for us than our limited perspective of personal goals. God wants to change your perception of success and victory. He wants to work through us and speaks quietly to our hearts, “Precious daughter, I want you here, not knowing every detail, not having all the answers, and not needing anything else but me and my grace.”

And it’s a humbling thing when the scales fall from your eyes and you realize…this was one of those moments in my life when a total bust was a TOTAL MUST!

Friends, we all have different struggles. Maybe you’re struggling with doubt over your children’s future, your finances, your marriage, a difficult relationship, a tough decision, or just your purpose in general. Maybe you’re convinced that your life is a bust and you feel like you don’t know anything for sure anymore. God’s Word says this:

I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.” Psalm 57:2

Not my purpose for myself, but HIS purpose for ME! Not my agenda, but his plan.

Friends, let’s stop insisting that our own agenda and expectations be fulfilled by God. Let’s stop putting our prideful agenda at the center and instead, cry out to Him to fulfill His purpose. Let’s stop trying in vain to get Him on our time table, but sit peacefully at His instead! He’s shaping, molding, and training us during this time to fully use us for His amazing purposes. The expectations we have for ourselves may be high, but His purposes are infinitely higher. Do you believe that? Maybe that’s the reminder you need today. I’m happy He was gracious enough to show me my own forest of disbelief and is patiently uprooting my trees of doubt. I’m not sure how His plans will unfold, but I’m grateful that He is helping me see that, when it came to my own agenda, a total bust was a total must.

How are you putting aside your agenda to embrace God’s plan? Share your thoughts below!

10 Ways to Nurture Your Daughter’s Inner-Explorer

Made Matchless

no comments

July 21, 2015

My daughter ran wildly up to our screen door. “Mommy! Mommy! I caught a toad! I caught a toad! Look! Look!” (You know she’s really excited when she’s saying everything twice) In her cupped hands was a lovely, bumpy, spotted, clever-looking toad. She looked up at me excitedly as I snapped this photo:

www.OurMatchlessBeauty.com

“He peed on me, but that’s okay!” The sparkle in her eyes when I fumbled to take this photo was an instant inspiration to me. My daughter is so full of life when she’s out exploring and discovers something exciting! It is one of the most beautiful parts about her.

Part of it, I admit, is because I have a passion for the creation around us and it overflows from me when I’m enjoying nature with the kids. I think it’s because there are endless things to observe from afar and inspect closely outdoors, both big and small. The delicate balance that makes our earth thrive in this universe blows my mind. One can be exploring in their backyard, a nature preserve, a vegetable garden, or a zoo exhibit. It can be mid-July or mid-January (which in Chicagoland, could look identical!). We can be studying the planets through a telescope or observing berries ripening on a bush. Regardless, there is always something we can be excited to notice and learn about. We can all be explorers and enjoyers of nature. We can all appreciate how intricately beautiful and awesome our surrounding creation truly is if we stop long enough to notice.

But little girls are wrongly stereotyped as only being interested in princesses, ponies, pink and purple, dressing up and completing quiet, pretty projects, right? In my humble mommy-opinion, none of these are wrong, and some girls are just naturally drawn to interests like these. My daughter enjoys them as well! But life was not meant to only be enjoyed in the neat indoors. Girls were not meant to be boxed into just the “pink, pretty, and tidy”. Maybe your daughter IS pink, pretty, and tidy. That is wonderful! But I encourage you to help her see beyond that! There are ways you can open your daughter’s eyes to see past what our culture says her interests need to be. You can help nurture your daughter’s inner-explorer! After all…

www.OurMatchlessBeauty.com

And besides even just expanding your daughter’s horizons, nurturing her inner-explorer can have a profound impact on her future and the future of others. It is said that Jacques Coutsteau invented scuba diving because he enjoyed exploring caves. Think of the impact his inner-explorer has had! And I’m sure Sally Ride, the first female astronaut in space, was frequently awed by the universe around her. So no matter what magnificent thing your daughter enjoys exploring, you’ll want to nurture it! Here are ten ways you can do that…

My kids and I outside.

1. Get outside like an explorer. Put down the phone and close up the laptop (when you’re done reading this blog of course) and get yourselves in an exploration-conducive environment! If you live in the city, go to a nature center in the suburbs. If you live in the country, head out to the backyard or take a walk. If you live in surburbia, find a new place away from people and your everyday schedule. If you can afford it, purchase a membership to a zoo or arboretum instead of an amusement park. Just get outside so the exploring can begin!

2. Let go of fear like an explorer. Okay, by a show of hands, how many of you, when my daughter said the toad peed on her, automatically thought about salmonella poisoning? Would your first inclination be to say, “Put that toad back NOW and go wash your hands eight times!” Moms, if you are only concerned about keeping your daughter germ-free, she will not truly be able to explore! So yes, have her wash her hands, teach her not to put her hands in her mouth when handling animals, but for the love of getting dirty every once in awhile, RELEASE the germ fear and let her enjoy! You can be cautious in situations without being fearful. Speaking of getting dirty…

The kids petting a chicken at a local farm.

3. Use your hands like an explorer. Explorers learn by touching and doing and feeling! Frequently when you go to the zoo, they’ll have workers showing animal skins or claws or teeth to kids. There’s a good reason! These workers know that a lot can be learned by touching. Even if it’s out of your comfort zone, model to her by touching it yourself and commenting about it. Maybe you and your daughter can begin nurturing your inner-explorer together!

4. Open your eyes like an explorer. Get down to your daughter’s level to see things more closely. I think children are naturally better at exploring because they’re closer to the ground than we are! Adults can be so wrapped up in moving quickly from one thing to the next that it’s difficult to slow down and notice. Funny, as I was typing this, I overheard my husband exclaim to the kids “Hey guys! Come check this out!” He had found this moth on our deck that he knew would interest them:

For many of us, this moth looks anything but special, but when you look closely, it has symmetrical wings with light red tips and fuzzy antennae. My husband has definitely grown in his ability to notice the small and amazing around him and you can, too! All it takes is a choice to slow down, even for small moments, to show your daughter how wonderful it is to explore by observation.

5. Open your ears like an explorer. How many times do we ask our kids to listen carefully? Now she can apply it to exploration! What can she listen for? Depending on the season, so much! In a Chicagoland springtime, my daughter can hear the twittering birds after a long winter season of hibernation (she loves identifying bird calls!). In summer, she can hear the frogs croaking and cicadas droning. In autumn, she can listen to the dry leaves crackling in the wind. In winter, she can enjoy the silence and the subtle sound of snow landing on the ground. If you live in a city, it can be hard to hear any of these things, so I encourage city-dwelling moms to take your kids away for an afternoon to a quieter place to enjoy these! City-dwellers should be explorers, too!

6. Smell and taste like an explorer. In case you didn’t notice, writing on this topic has quite naturally come from using the senses God has given us! Smell and taste are definitely included so don’t neglect pointing these out! What do these ripe raspberries taste like? What does a summer day smell like? What does this toad taste like? JUST KIDDING! Of course, I’m super careful about what I let my daughter taste out in nature, but it is fascinating just how much you can find outdoors that is edible! We have a pretty neat nature guide on edible plants:

Edible Wild Plants Guide

Although, I’ll be honest, we haven’t been daring in the tasting area! But encouraging your daughter’s inner-explorer wouldn’t be well-rounded without these two senses.

7. Speak like an explorer. When your daughter observes, listens, touches, smells and tastes, ask her questions like “How does it feel?” and “Where do you think this toad lives?” and “Where should we release it?” Point things out to her like “Check out how delicate the moth’s wings are” and “I’m hearing two different bird calls. I wonder where they’re coming from” and “Look at the sun streaming through the trees!” As you model, she will begin to speak like an explorer.

8. Love learning like an explorer. You can learn a LOT be using your senses, but nurturing your daughter’s inner-explorer doesn’t end with what she observes. It continues when she has questions that she can’t answer on her own. The question “What bird call am I hearing?” or “What constellation am I seeing?” needs to be followed up by research! Respond with “Let’s find out!” Lead your daughter to resources that will help her learn more information that will answer her questions. A girl whose parents encourage asking questions and finding answers will become a woman who loves to learn. The world needs more people who love to learn! Which leads to my next point…

9. Gather resources like an explorer. Lead your daughter to reputable sources. Go to the library, watch videos, talk to professionals, purchase science guides & books. Here are some of the nature guides that our family owns, accessible to the kids at any moment:

Nature guides

Some of these we take with us to look up information as we observe. The “Birds of the Midwest” guide we take to nature centers. We mark off the birds we see and record the date. Gather tools as well. We have a simple microscope I picked up at a garage sale so they can observe small things up close. Magnifying glasses, magnets, rulers, bird feeders, binoculars, compasses, and other tools will only help.

Enthusiastically blaze a trail like an explorer.

10. Enthusiastically blaze a trail like an explorer. Explorers aren’t boring people. No matter their passion, explorers are excited to learn and enthusiastic about going forward with what they learn. They gather the info and admire it. They are anxious to share what they’ve observed with others in hopes that others will want to explore with them. So be excited with your daughter when she finds something new. Forget the “Oh, that’s nice honey” comments! How about “Whoa! That’s awesome! Show me more!” She will be a trail-blazing explorer who loves learning if you share in her moment.

Moms, I hope you’ll use these ten ways of nurturing your daughter’s inner-explorer. She may not grow up to be a scientist, but your encouragement of her inner-explorer can only help you love learning even more together. Because remember: Little girls were made to explore, and maybe even moms, too.

How else would you encourage her inner-explorer? Leave a comment!